Negative Capability Press Poetry Blog

2

at a loss

1

today was the first day
in a while
i felt empty
devoid of words
one headlight out
i made my way home
cautiously
like everything i do
without a ticket
not like last time
when i got caught
on the bridge
just past the ghetto
one mile from home
i just had it replaced
i insisted
not once, but twice
no matter
my registration was expired, too
that ticket was mine
before it ever had my name on it

1

tonight on the bridge
i saw a man
or a woman
i don't know...
but unlike me
he or she appeared to have
nowhere to go
or rather
did not appear
to have
anywhere to go
and i felt sad
for him or her
or did i just feel sad for myself
and my lone headlight?

2

pulling into my driveway
my lone headlight
caught the backside
of a stray cat
one who hasn't befriended me yet
but felt free to eat
from my offerings
and
i was glad to see
him or her
so i didn't have to worry
that he or she
might be alone
with nowhere to go and
nothing to eat
i was also happy to see
that benevolence
paid a visit
in the form of my neighbor
Hector
only sign of him being
the full bowl of food
and clean water beside it
he often roams the night
and wonders how the cats
would manage
without him
without anywhere to go
and nothing to eat
sometimes
i do, too,
wonder
how we would manage
without him

tapping the water bowl
a few times with my sandaled foot
i confirmed it was full
and dodged the bird droppings
leading to my front porch
apparently rusty blackbirds-
or grackles as they may be-
distinguished by their
piercing yellow eyes
like to eat cat food
this has become
increasingly evident
as well as
increasingly frustrating
over the past few weeks
but it hasn't stopped me
from leaving the food or
dodging the droppings
the water was full-enough
the food plenty
i thought
everyone should be ok for the night
and
i was tired
i am tired

so, i climbed the deteriorating steps
and turned my lone key
in the lone lock
shut the door behind me
and
looked around

1

today is the first day
in a while that
i am empty
devoid of words
there but silent
they haunt
my thoughts
refusing to reveal themselves
and i think of the figure
on the bridge
the cats
and the birds
but the words won't come
tonight
like the light of
the dark headlight
they are gone
without warning
and
i am alone