Negative Capability Press Poetry Blog

Angela, Thanks so much for coming aboard! You’ve shown me this one before, but it looks like you’ve made a few changes, and it is very good. I wish I had something constructive or critical to say, but I can’t come up with anything. I’ll keep working on it though…

When you showed me this the first time, I wondered if there might be a way to differentiate between speakers? My inclination would be to do like you did in “hush,” where the mother speaks in italics. But at the same time, there is also a nice effect of the two speakers merging into one voice, sort of a culmination of the incorporation processes that begin in situations like the episode related in “hush.”

It is unfortunate that the layout of the blog doesn’t allow these long lines to be long (which is why none of my poet poems have been posted to a blog…). There is a part of me, though, that wonders if a lot of line breaks might work here:

i’m smart, mother.
i study hard and learn big words,
so you will see me.
but no words seem to validate me
and you never see me.
why don’t you see me?
did you even want me?
why even bother to adopt me
if you didn’t want me?
wish you would look at me - just once.

Welcome to the Blog. I really love this title and the way the first stanza thrusts the reader into the poem.
SBW

I like the back-and-forth interplay in which the child responds to the mother’s complaints. I think it is interesting–and significant–that the child’s perceptions of the mother’s feelings are presented–stronger than what the mother’s own voice would have presented. It is what the child perceives that drives the motivation and intensity of the poem.
SBW

Thanks, Rob and Sue. I think I messed up the formatting a little but this is pretty close. I’ll get the hang of this soon. Hopefully…smile. A

I think I like how you broke the lines, Rob. I was wondering too how I could make them work here. I’ll give it a try. A

i think this is great–esp.since the main issue with the mother is that all she sees is a skin color (the “black”), and the daughter is struggling to be ’seen’ in other ways. what i’m saying is obvious, i know, but your words illustrate the difference between being seen and being noticed very well…

Welcome to the blog, Angela. I love this poem. A tender child’s pain wrenches my heart and you’ve made it especially poignant.