Negative Capability Press Poetry Blog

I love the transformation in this poem, the prison that becomes a sanctuary. The rhyme and almost-rhyme is wonderful as well, as in “spring shut and hold. / A sentence, self-imposed, unfolds.” Those lines make me wonder what kind of choice created this prison. “Someone else decides / the time to eat / the work to do / the time to sleep / and if you do.” are definitely my favorite lines. For me, line fifteen feels rather long in the context of the rest of the poem. I think it would be stronger without “Soon.” I feel sort of the same about “Then” at the beginning of line 19, but not as strongly.

I’m glad you’re writing, Vivian.
Maybe I’m tired tonight — and am not reading as I should be, but I don’t get the line “and if you do.” And if you do what? Eat and sleep — and the time to do these things? Somehow the period draws me up short. I want to know what happens “if you do.”

I really like the lines:
Sharp edges of your mind
erode to fit.

There is so much in this poem that I want to savor every word–which makes me question my own “reading.” I am intrigued by the “jagged” jaws that are “righteous rules.” I am intrigued by the rules being righteous–and the juxtaposition of jagged and righteous.

I want to think more, too, about the sentence that is “self-imposed.” This really opens the poem to introspection. Who is the speaker, here? Line 5 is an “apostrophe”– an address. So who is this “you” that is in the act of “failing”?

The next interesting word is “bonds” — and think about Meagan’s comments about a prison. I am thinking, too, of how “bonds” are both confinement and a marriage bond–the conjoining of “ragged jaws” and righteous rules.”

Now who is the “decider”? The “someone else”? in the poem.

Sharp edges — takes me back to the “jagged jaws.” It’s feel dangerous and threatening; Really like the “erode” that is another sinister word.

I like the word “proffered.” Fascinating word to use here. Everything thing about this poem enhances the sense of fear.

Terrific poem, Vivian. One of your best.
SBW

this is so wonderfully written–so vivid–the prison, whether literal or within the mind… and how the speaker is forced to conform to the confines, and does…

This whole poem just feels like prison. Sharp, edges, jagged, jaws, flailing, are all in the poem and fit very well. To me they offer the feel that prison has a shanking or a brawl just under the surface waiting to get out. I like this a lot.

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I value so much the feedback I get from you.

I love the ambiguity of this poem; it can be read from so many perspectives, and any of them would be “right.” As you noted in your reply, there are lots of prisons people put themselves into, and sometimes they become so accustomed to them that they can’t leave even when they get the chance.

I also like the way you play with the language - the eroding of the mind, the “enfolding walls” and the slant rhyme of proffered with unbarred to mention just a few. And the “Someone else decides” through “and if you do” is a great lead-in the eroding mind.

Rini