I came up with this idea driving back from our poetry reading at Dr. Java's, when the sky looked quite ominous and ready to burst. I don't think it actually wound up raining that day, but I do love a good storm.
The excitement of storms is lightning
unwinding like fishing line, catching
dead grass and trees on fire.
Posted by Meagan M. on June 3, 2008
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Meagan, I hate to say this, but I’m not actually sure if I love or hate this stanza. The coldly scientific language of the first line forms an amazing contrast with the soft and almost stock poetic feel of the second line. I think I really like it, but it is very unique.
I was a little worried about the honeysuckle line sounding cliche myself, but I’m glad the contrast I was going for stands out.
Meagan, I like this. You have some very interesting juxtapositioning of images and feelings that creates a nice sense of surprise throughout. There are a couple of places where I wonder if you might pursue some things a little further, but that’s probably just my old composition teacher sense of wanting to make sure everything is fully developed and explained.
I really like the combination of “scent” in this stanza — the mix of H2O and honeysuckle. Super stanza.
SBW
I wonder if you need “deep in.” What about “rattle bones?”
SBW
Thanks for the suggestion! I think I’ll try that.
Oops, this got on the wrong stanza.
SBW
This is my favorite stanza.
I like the first line of this stanza a lot.
i like this stanza–big fan of oppositional words, if that makes sense…and i love the last line…holds a lot of meaning i think…
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