Sunday is a downpour of
thunderous thoughts
spilling insistently from above
a storm of questions
answers
that only Tuesday knows
brown blades of grass
turned green
drowning now
in puddles of necessity
it hardly seems fair
and
makes no sense at all.
Posted by Alexis on June 22, 2008
Tags: Uncategorized
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Hello Alexis,
Thanks for keeping us going on the blog. I’ll try and post something this week.
Fine poem–brief and to the point. I think the grass / turned green is the “forward reading” message of the poem — and maybe obviates the last 3 lines.
SBW
I like the brevity, too, and, like Sue, feel that dropping the last three lines makes it even more powerful. The ‘thunder, spilling, storm, drowning, puddles’ metaphors are wonderful.
You know, one of the difficulties of always coming late to the game is that when someone suggests changes, it’s difficult to know if they’ve been made or not. Assuming that the version I see now (i.e., ending with “it hardly…at all”), I don’t know that you need to delete all three lines, but I would say that two should go.
I am also intrigued by the choice of days and want to assume that there are religious overtones to the choice of Sunday that also makes me want some kind of religiously loaded word subtly inserted in the doubt of the ending. But that could just be me…
And I’m coming even later than Rob to this one, but this is a challenging short poem. My reading has the “downpour” as a sermon - and not necessarily a good one - that needs all the way to Tuesday to be made sense of. And I really like the grass going brown to green - the green does, after all, come from the brown earth. And the “puddles of necessity” - where would we be without water?
Personally, I like the last three lines as is. Fairness has nothing to do with making sense in the real world, and I like the juxtaposition.
Rini
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