Negative Capability Press Poetry Blog

3

Drew

my older brother drew loved the lake
more than any of us
the second of four boys
i was the third
and i thought i hated him

he was the bully
constantly telling me he was going to
hit me kill me or call the cops
as if he thrived on making me feel afraid
threatened unsure
he drove me to construct elaborate
dramas of destruction and desolation
and escape into the rusty refuges
of my murky imagination

2

i played the victim well
always shy quiet
scared to cross any lines
or do something wrong
almost as if i were sitting idly by
waiting to inherit the earth

1

he was just staking out his place
in the hierarchy of brothers
knocking me down
to keep me in mine
we were the middle two
and he had territory to claim

1

i can now see the real issue
between us was not hatred
we were just so different
essentially opposites

2

i was one to live life inside my head
thinking dreaming
i confined my adventures
to the safety and splendor
of my mitty-like mind
an unwitting scholar and poet in training
i scored imaginary touchdowns
kissing impossible girls
all while floating on a life vest
just off the end of the pier

1

drew on the other hand went out
to meet life in the trenches
he rode it with abandon
drank life dry and headed back for refills
he was willing to try anything
and if it involved fear or any measure
of stupidity he was first in line
which is why the lake was so special for him
it offered the most opportunities
for narrowly avoiding bodily harm

while i happily stuck to simple slalom
or more often enjoyed a front row seat
for his masochistic misadventures
he was never content
unless he risked watery crashes
ski jumping parasailing or leaping
out of the boat at forty miles per hour
unless he suffered concussions and enemas
of learning how to ski barefoot
unless he enlarged his growing legend
catching fire to his eyebrows lighting farts

yet back in town people could never seem
to tell the two of us apart