I'm never taking this ring
Off of my finger.
I do too much wrong
When it's not right
In plain sight
On my left hand.
I've done things,
Things that I didn't want to do.
I felt, no feel repulsed with myself,
But that's what's expected of me,
A man, traveling alone.
I wish I could never take this ring
Off of my finger.
I do too much wrong
When it's left
On the bathroom counter.
Posted by Nathan on August 13, 2008
Tags: Uncategorized
No comments yet.
When I saw the title, I thought, “Hey, that looks like the title of a Nathan poem!” And I was right! Yours are always so fresh and intriguing. The first two lines are such a strong statement, I think they make a wonderful beginning. I can see Bruce Willis’s determined expression in them. I would, however, cut out the “of” in the second lines of the first and last stanzas and the “that” in the second line of stanza three. I just don’t think they serve much purpose. I like the ambiguity in stanza three when the man says “But that’s what’s expected of me.” It makes me wonder, is it infidelity that’s expected of him, or his own disgust with himself?
Nathan.
It’s great to see you blogging again. I really like the ending of this. I wasn’t expecting it!
SBW
Since this is conversational,I would probably delete “of” in line 2.
SBW
Don’t think you need “of.”
SBW
Comments on specific paragraphs:
Click the
icon to the right of a paragraph
Comments on the page as a whole:
Click the
icon to the right of the page title (works the same as paragraphs)